Hello my lovely darlings! It has been a minute or two since I last posted. I am sorry that I kept you waiting.
Most of you know that this blog is my way of holding myself accountable, staying strong, and providing inspiration to my readers. Lately I haven’t felt very strong, I have felt weak.
It was a type of weakness that I couldn’t put into words. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was happening, but I felt as though I was starting a slow spiral. I was slowly starting to lose myself again and unhappiness was starting to make her bitchy self at home in my head. I was getting frustrated easily, losing patience at the drop of a hat, and just generally feel down.
But WHY?? I have everything I have ever wanted! A beautiful family, a fabulous job, great friends, and my health (including continued weight loss). On paper it seems as if I should have my crap together. But I didn’t feel together. I felt like my life was held together with Elmer’s glue that would never dry.
The life of a Keeper
A friend of mine shared post the other day that made me realize where my weakness was coming from. A huge thank you to luckyorangepants.com for writing the post “I am the Keeper”. If you guys haven’t read it yet, you need to!
In the post, she describes what it’s like to be the keeper of everything for your family (schedules, meals, bills, happiness, health, etc.). How exhausting it can be, and how sometimes you just need to be seen. Trust me, I’ve been there! The place where I’m so busy focusing on everyone else in my family, that there’s really no time for ME. That’s part of the issue I’ve been experiencing, but the other part has to deal with my inability to just let go.
My husband has been a true partner. He has happily taken on his fair share of the keeping. He didn’t leave it to be solely my responsibility. He knows the importance of finding time for one’s self and wanted to make sure that I had everything I needed to be successful. He wants me to be healthy. He understands my fitness and weight loss goals, and wanted to ensure that I had the time required to get where I wanted to be.
To Keep or Not to Keep
The problem is that I was struggling with not being the sole keeper. Even though I know it is not realistic, I wanted to be able to do it all. I wanted to be able to take my kids to school and pick them up when they get out at 2:45, I wanted to have the time to clean my house, I wanted to cook home cooked meals every night at a reasonable hour, I wanted to kick ass at my job and be considered one of the best working moms EVER, I also wanted to spend enough one on one time with my husband (bow chicka bow wow). I wanted to be the keeper.
Not being the keeper was making me feel like less of a momma. It made me feel inferior to those moms who seemed to have it all together. How were they able to get it all done, and still have time to be happy??
Listen to how crazy this sounds. I was literally beating myself up because my husband was being a good husband and dad. He was splitting the responsibility with me and it drove me CRAZY.
Reading LuckyOrangePants’s post was what I needed. I needed to see that even the keepers need a minute. They need to be seen and thanked and appreciated. It’s hard to do it all, and it’s ok to have help. I am lucky to have the husband I have, the job I have, and the life I live.
I think I can speak for the blogosphere when I say “I’m the Keeper”, beautifully articulated parenthood. Parenthood is tough and we are all finding our one best way. You definitely helped me find the source of my issue, and for that I will forever be grateful!