This post is one that I knew would come out eventually, but it came sooner than I thought it would….
I’m done. (Not really)
Today I seriously thought about quitting. I’ve been back on the wagon for 5 days. And it SUCKS! I guess this is just me going through carb withdrawals again, but I feel like I am effing dying. All I want is to crawl into my bed with a pack of Oreos, a gigantic glass of ice cold milk, and binge watch Netflix. Screw getting skinny and to hell with getting healthy. (Again, I’m not really quitting, I’m just venting.)
I know this is a journey and it will take time. I’m still losing weight daily, but I want it all gone and I want it NOW (like the little girl on Willy Wonka). I’m all about instant gratification. I don’t like to wait for things. I want long eyelashes, I’ll go get extensions. I want to listen to the new Bruno mars song on repeat, I’ll do it through Spotify. My husband will tell you, I am not a patient person. I know how to sink my heels in until I get what I want. But THIS. IS. HARD. Today I wanted to cry. Repeatedly.
I feel like (this is my inner self talking) no matter how hard I work, I’ll never get where I want to be. The scale will never show me the right numbers. The clothes size I wear will never be small enough.
Well inner self, I’m about to serve you a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up. I can get there, but it will take time. Let’s face it, the scale is an asshole. After this weight loss challenge, I’m putting that little bee-otch away for a while. I can tell my body is changing by the way my clothes fit. My waist is getting smaller, I have a thigh gap (bahahahahahahahahahaha that’s a damn lie), my thighs are getting smaller though. 😂
I. Will. Get. There.
I’m doing my best to stay positive. Cue forced smile 😬😬.
The best thing I can do is reward myself for a job well done. Below are some of my reward ideas. If you have other suggestions, send them my way!
-20lbs: something to make me feel pretty.
-30lbs: new handbag (don’t worry B, I’ll save the new Louis for a BIG reward)
-40lbs: girls’ weekend
-50lbs: BOOBIES!! Yep! You read that right. Two breastfed babies will literally suck the life out of the ta-tas.
I need to create a visual for myself that shows my weight loss/calorie intake/exercise/etc. Maybe something similar to the sticker chart I used when potty training my nuggets? I’ll figure something out and share it with you in my next post.
I just have to remember to take it a day at a time. I have a looooooooong way to go, but I can get there! Bring it!
Thanks for the support, y’all!